Look closely at what you've done with your life, for in times of adversity, only some us can get what we truly want when the world is invaded by things you cannot destroy...

And should this terrible thing happen to you, as unlikely as it may be, would or could you live through it? It wouldn’t surprise you to learn that the news was reporting mass suicides all over before it went off the air, along with the mass civil unrest. No wonder its easy to take over a planet, if half its population fight to the death between themselves to steal a plasma screen TV while the other quietly give up hope and top themselves. Most gave up the ghost after watching the army/navy/every swinging dick in the field they could get their hands on to shoot a gun get their arses so mercilessly wiped out. My theory? I find it unlikely the general numpty population would have the resources to survive, what with their dependence on cars, microwaves, credit cards, video mobiles, Mcfuckingdonalds, FCUK stupid overpriced crap all the arseholes seem to be sponsored by. Yes! you now have all these things, the money, the looks, the generic good looks as dictated by Cosmopolitan and Glamour! magazines,(get Gwyneth’s/Jennifer’s/Nicole’s look/hair in this magazine!) the hair extensions, the nice 2/3 bedroom house chock full of bollocks from IKEA, the DVD, the mini disc, the broadband PC used for hunting and pecking through writing that ‘novel’ the wife always thought had in her while the husbands downloading porn at high speed while everyone else is in bed when a world of knowledge is at your fingertips, but I bet you can't even wire a plug or put up a shelf without the detailed instructions included you wastes of skin. In a way, I thoroughly believe my quality of life has improved due to these horrible little robot things from dimension fuck knows where. No more commute, no more 'nice day isn’t it would you like fries with that cashback? moving your trolley in my way suck your teeth got a cigarette?' Just me and my erstwhile girlfriend sobbing her eyes out as I try to work out what to do and where to jump next to keep myself (ourselves) alive.

D.I.T.C.B. A Graphic Novel by Paul Tillotson - A love story set at the end of your Ikea world. Coming in 2005